How Do You Define Your Value?

Most of us grow up with the ingrained idea that our value comes from what we produce, what we contribute--to our families, at our jobs, to our communities. An essential part of being a human and living in a society. But what if you can't produce?

We all run into aging and the fact that our abilities wane as we grow old, physically less capable. Ideally, wisdom grows as physical capacity changes (quality over quantity, as it were). But some of us hit that realization sooner than we'd like.

Sudden illness, a chronic diagnosis, an accident, and you can't "show up," produce, function, in your world in the same way any more.

Are you worth less now?

I've had year of frustrating health concerns that haven't been easy to resolve. I'm seeing several specialists and we're still working on all the answers. That means I've had to recalibrate what I "produce". I am barely holding together a lot of days, and I've had to let go of a lot of good, lovely things because the cost of doing them was too great.

(This is a calculus those with chronic illness deal with daily. Move over, girl math and dog math, now there's Chronic Illness Math.)

I've discovered new information about myself that has brought both clarity and more questions. My capacity has shrunk, seemingly at a time when the need for it has never been greater: motherhood, prioritizing my relationship with my spouse, full-time work, not to mention the way our democracy is teetering on the brink these days, and atrocities are piling up across the globe.

Am I worth less, now that I physically and mentally cannot give as much?

Why is my worth predicated on what I give out?

I have worth, value, just as I am. The ways I show up for my loved ones, my coworkers, they are shifting as I adjust to new realities. But I am still here, and I am still valuable, as me. Even if I become disabled. If I have to work less. If my mental health takes a nosedive. If I get fat(ter). My value hasn't changed, because it comes from being a human being. Intrinsic value.

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I am

worthy.

(My apologies to Descartes.)

I'm learning to separate my self, my value, from the things that I can do--because lately, what I can do has really taken a hit. I've had to ask some hard questions about what I want my life to be like, and what things I may have to let go of as my limitations change.

Worth is not something I have to earn through my productivity. I am a valuable entity with a unique and beautiful perspective and history that no one else has. No one else gets to be me, and no one else decides my worth.